I am here, but not *here*!
The last few weeks I have really been feeling the Lord pulling at my heart...
You know the kind of pulling, the kind that you want to ignore!
Well, I am glad that God doesn't give up on us!
Sometimes God has to SHOUT at me!! Yesterday's message at church really confirmed what I have been hearing from God. I can't ignore Him, I really don't want to ignore Him! I really want my life to be HIS vessel!!! During the message yesterday our paster had us write down one of our major worries/stresses/things that consume our thoughts. I wrote down "Trying to be good enough. Trying to make things work." Then he made a BOLD statement: "This is the way that you try to create your own righteousness." OUCH!!! Self righteousness, self importance, being good enough.
For now I will not be blogging. Blogging feeds my approval addiction issues.... I need GOD to provide all of my needs.... not try to have the bloggy world meet some underlying need I have. GOD loves me. Period. I have "tried" to make things happen, and I can NEVER be in peace when I am my own god. I really want my life to be used by God.... HIS way, HIS timing, HIS plan. I need to GET out of the WAY!!! LOL!! I'm sure that you can relate at some level.
I have struggled with "being good enough" my whole life.... frankly I am SICK of it!! I am going to be spending a lot of time soaking up GOD! My internet is going to be used in a different way... I will be listening to GOD'S word... listening to wonderful teachings as I work around the house.
I have some favorite blogs that I will be checking in on.....I have met many wonderful "imaginary friends" (as valleygirl's husband calls bloggy friends) and do plan to stay in touch.
I don't know how long I will be "gone". If God gives me the green light I will be back blogging about what HE wants.
Please feel free to contact me via email.
Bottom line: I want to serve GOD, not myself, not some approval addiction!!!! There are WAY too many COOL people and blogs out there! If I judge myself based on how I "measure up" compared to other blogs then I will NEVER measure up!!
Have a BLESSED day, BE a BLESSING!
Heather
3 comments:
Congrats on leaving what sounds (for now) to be your excess!
I just found you, but I will miss you. I understand why you are leaving, though. You should always do what God leads you to do!
Dear Heather,
I just found out about you on the mom advice site, in fact you posted an answer to my question about 4-H, yes I'm Julie. I am a pastors wife, my hubbie is currently taking a break while we re-group, our last church left us feeling deflated and bedraggled! As a result I struggled with control, trying to control the hurt my husband felt and keeping that hurt from affecting my 3 boys, trying to control a major move and purchas of a home for the first time (we always lived in parsonages). I tried to control everything including the health and wellbeing of my whole family. Bottom line, I tried to take control from God!! That's when God really gave me a wake up call, as only God can do. Thankfully, He took that discipline and drew me closer to him, He used my family and friends and even an author named Martha Peace to do it. I've come to love her books especially when it comes to trying to "create our own righteousness" as you put it. If you can get a hold of her book "Attitudes of a Transformed Heart" I highly recommend it. God bless you and keep you. I pray He will honor your desire to be conformed to His image as you work at this issue in your life. In Him who loved us first, Julie
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