"You had an addiction?" I hear you asking. Yes. Addicted to myself. My SELFISHNESS led me to a computer addiction, an escape from real life! YIKES!!!
When I felt God calling me to give up recreational computer use for lent I was sure I was hearing things wrong.... but I finally decided to follow HIS leading and give it up... for an entire lent season. Let me tell ya.... the first week was HARD the second week was still hard and after that I had days that were hard! I was so used to plopping myself down in front of this ol' thing and disappearing into a world beyond my own four walls and my own four children. I had made my daily escapes from home such a habit that when I felt such strong withdrawal pains I had to admit the truth.... I was addicted to this 'escape' method. I was feeding my selfishness rather than LIVING the life that God has given me. I was trying to escape from the mundane parts of life (dishes, laundry, homework, sibling rivalry, etc).
I know it sounds horrible.... but I had so many nicer words for my addiction.... such as connection, learning, research, relaxation, fun, friends, and even more holy ones such as ministry, encouragement, insight and learning. Ha! Hogwash!! The truth was is that I have used the internet as a selfish tool more than I have used it for good. I selfishly waste time, energy and precious moments I could have with REAL people by leaving home via my computer. Even if I physically stayed home all day, my heart and my mind were off somewhere else way too much!!
As the withdrawal symptoms reared I spent a lot more time in prayer. I had to give these feelings to God. I was sacrificing this selfish part of my life to him as an offering. I wanted Christ to work in my heart. He did!! My prayer life deepened and I have felt His presence so much more. I spent a lot more time listening to praise music, more time reading the Bible and other good books, more time baking and doing projects and more time talking and having fun with my children and husband.
My life is far from perfect, but I tell ya FREEDOM is a wonderful thing. Lent finished as we celebrated Christ's ultimate sacrifice for us. Celebrating LIFE in JESUS!!
Now that lent is over and I can technically get back on the computer I have to tell you I don't have much desire. FREEDOM is wonderful and I don't want to end back up in bondage...... I want to live my life free from addiction of any kind. (ok... I might still have a few such as chocolate and fountain sodas!!) Whom that the SON sets FREE is free indeed and I want to stay that way. I know myself... if I'm not careful I will allow my flesh to get sucked back in.
I will be VERY, very limited on my recreational computer usage. I want my time on the computer to bring my savior glory, not feed my selfishness. So please don't take it personally if I don't visit your blog as much or write here too often.... just know that for right now I am learning to deny my flesh and follow Christ.
Have a BLESSED day, BE a BLESSING! Heather